What is misgendering?
You've probably heard the term misgendering but may not know exactly what it means. Maybe someone has even accused you of doing it! While the term itself may be new, the act of misgendering has existed for a long time. Not only that, while regularly used against trans people, misgendering has also been used against cisgender people, particularly those who challenged the gender norms of their time. Think about how women have been insulted for wanting the right to vote. Or how gay, lesbian and bisexual people are treated for the simple fact of loving who they love.
In essence, misgendering is the act of using words that do not align with the gender identity of the person being referred to.
This can happen:
accidentally such as using incorrect pronouns for someone whose pronouns you don't know
intentionally like when referring to a trans woman as a man to insult her
But why does it matter?
Although it may seem minor to people who don’t regularly experience it, misgendering can cause stress, frustration, and feelings of invalidation. Because misgendering someone undermines their internal sense of self, it can also affect their mental health and contribute to anxiety and depression. Furthermore, persistent misgendering erodes trust and causes tension in relationships of all kinds – romantic, family, professional, etc.
When inclusive and affirming language is used with all people, we show empathy, respect, and acceptance. This allows us to create spaces and relationships where all people feel safer and more welcomed, particularly those who often feel marginalized and misunderstood.
How do I avoid misgendering someone?
Listen and ask.
Avoid making assumptions based on physical appearance. Just like you can't tell someone's name just by looking at them, physical appearance doesn't tell you what words someone uses. If you don't know which words to use, you can use gender-neutral language and/or ask respectfully. Listen carefully so you use the correct words.
Practice, practice, practice.
It is important to educate yourself about different gender identities, familiarize yourself with the different pronouns that are regularly used, including singular they, and apply what you learn in your daily life through practice. If you are multilingual, familiarize yourself with gender inclusive options in those languages as well. For Spanish speakers, check out our post on how to use the gender-neutral pronoun elle.
Correct yourself when necessary.
Making mistakes is inevitable. Perfection is not the goal since no human being is perfect. If you accidentally misgender someone, apologize sincerely and repeat the phrase with the correct word. Avoid making a big fuss or drawing unnecessary attention to the mistake, as this can make the impacted person even more uncomfortable.
Normalize the exchange of pronouns.
Lead by example and proactively share your own pronouns. Promote the exchange of pronouns in presentations and social settings to create a culture of inclusion. If you're worried about how other people will react, you can read our blog post on how to respond to pushback around pronouns.
Let us strive to honor all people for who they truly are by using the correct language for them.
Let us all embrace the power we have to foster a culture of acceptance and understanding. Together we can build a more inclusive world where we can all feel seen, heard and valued.
